The general perception about the relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is that complications are bound to arise between the two along the way. Chances are you can relate to this thought too. While it can be a bit tricky to establish a good bond with one’s own mother-in-law, what can add to the misery is that if you have a relationship with your mother-in-law, narcissistic mother-in-law.
Narcissistic people tend to be introspective and always try to put their own interests above those of others. There are many signs that can help you spot a narcissistic mother-in-law. Relationship expert Ruchi Ruuh says, “Narcissistic mothers-in-law may have entitlement issues, lack empathy, fail to respect boundaries, and even wage a smear campaign against their daughters-in-law.”
If you are someone who is able to spot the above-mentioned signs in your mother-in-law, then you should know how to deal with it.
Set and communicate your limits
Ruchi says that once narcissistic tendencies have been identified in the mother-in-law, it is best to limit interaction or be more selective in choosing topics. One must be respectful, but at the same time be careful not to set unhealthy precedents.
Be careful not to be manipulated
A narcissistic mother-in-law can also be expected to resort to psychological manipulation. She may force you to question your own thought process and opinions. “That’s why it’s advisable to keep a journal of what’s happening or tell your confidant or therapist. This will allow you to monitor yourself for psychological manipulation and to stick to your narrative,” says Ruchi.
Learn to regulate your emotions
When dealing with a narcissistic mother-in-law, it is very important to learn to regulate your emotions. “Narcissistic people feed off of the reactions of others. Therefore, you must take care of yourself and work on improving your self-esteem. This will allow you to fight fairly without emotions clouding your judgment,” says Ruchi.
Don’t get drawn into the power struggle
Ruchi says that narcissistic people do everything for themselves and always want to win. That’s why it’s important not to get drawn into the power struggle. So, you have to choose your battles wisely and ignore the temptation to argue with your mother-in-law. “Not reacting to them can be your superpower. Always remember that.”
Don’t try to change it
Many women tend to think of different ways to change their mother-in-law and bond with her. “What people don’t realise is that narcissism is a personality thing and nothing you do can change a person. So the best way to deal with it is by focusing on yourself and controlling how you react to situations,” she adds. You need to be able to manage your own expectations as it is not possible for a narcissistic mother-in-law to suddenly become an understanding and protective person. Accept it and find peace in the situation.
Keep your husband informed of everything
Ruchi says that even if your husband is not very supportive, you should also keep him informed of everything. “It is important to inform your partner about his mother’s behaviour towards her. He may not do anything about it, but he should definitely be aware of everything,” Ruchi believes, adding that this can be of great use to the woman in the long run.
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